If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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