someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
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A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
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More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.