Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway