Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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