i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED