I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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