Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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