he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
