the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
