we're blogging at a bar
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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