8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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