Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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