im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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