I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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