Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
