Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
