i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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