the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
well, you know. whores of a feather.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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