i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
