I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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