K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
