so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
