look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
No subtext here. People are naked.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
