my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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