ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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