Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
