I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
He has the fingertips of a God
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