I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
