I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
