No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
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I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
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No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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