the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize