So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
