so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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