wakey wakey hands off snakey
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
