like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
