Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
