If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just gift wrapped bread.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
