Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
