just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I want a musical about memes.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
