Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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