its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
