We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
