Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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