I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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