He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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