Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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