Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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