He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
