Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
