a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
