I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
