I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
should my penis look like a turkey
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
