I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Church boner. Awkwardddd
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Come share oat with me in your robe
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
