I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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