one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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