Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
