Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
