That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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