i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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