dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
honey bunches of taint.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
