So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
