I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He has the fingertips of a God
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
