Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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