My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
