apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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